The Moon and Me - Humorous Adaptation
by Eos-Is-Mah-Muse-157
Summary: My friends and I make fun of a really bad fic I wrote some two years ago. The story is PG-13 but my friends and I bump it up to R (for swearing and implied themes). Lol - I feel like one of those rating things on the movie channel before the movie.


  
    "Kristen, I didn't say I would sleep over just so we can sit in your room and read cheesy fanfiction all night." Theresa frowns at me as I turn on the monitor.   
    "Aw, c'mon!" I say. "It'll be fun! We can MST it!"   
    "Did someone say MST?!"   
    Theresa and I turn towards the voice. "Damnit, Justin!" I shout. "I thought I told you to stop hiding in the corner!"   
    Justin steps out of the corner and stands next to Theresa. He shrugs. "I'm always in the corner, even though I say I'm not. I just like to stand there for copious amounts of time."   
    "Oh god," I say, "here we go with the copious again."   
    Justin hangs his head in shame.   
    I load the fic, my two companions pulling up chairs. We are about to dive into the fic but a scratching noise from my closet makes us all jump. I freeze, checking the clock. Damnit, it's ten. I forgot. Azure eyes peek from the slightly opened closet doors.   
    "So many people," my muse whispers.   
    Not sure what to do, I figure - what the hay? So what if I had a fantasy muse that looked like an angel living in the alternate dimension that was connected to the inside of my closet? "Come on out, love. We have company tonight. We're going to be MSTing one of my really old fanfictions."   
    Cautiously my muse steps from behind the doors. Theresa screams and hides behind Justin.   
    "Jesus Christ, Kristen!"   
    Eos frowns. "I don't like this one," she says, pointing at my best friend. "I mean, granted I haven't seen a human being besides Kristen in the past few hundred years but there is no need to get nasty about it."   
    Justin's jaw had been resting on a pool of drool on my floor for a while now. He must have noticed Eos' pretty clothes, or lack there of. I snap my fingers and Eos is in some baggy clothing. "Clean that up, Justin, for crying out loud. Can we get to the MST?"   
    Justin jumps, moving his hands in that figure-eight motion. "Yay. All praise the might Ilúvatar."   
    "I thought I told you not to do that around me," I say, jealous that I cannot do the figure-eight gesture.   
    Theresa inches away from Justin and back to her seat. "So this is Eos?"   
    Eos suddenly becomes defensive. "What about me?"   
    Theresa is offended. "Nothing. Kristen talks about you, that's all. We all thought she was babbling insanely like she usually does."   
    "Gee, thanks," I mutter.   
    Justin strokes one of Eos' wings. "Pretty...."   
    Eos slaps him lightly. "No touching."   
    "Yes mam," he says dutifully.   
    "Can we start now?" I ask, impatient.   
    "FINE!" Theresa shouts. 

>>QOA (me): I just want to warn you guys, this fic is a self-insertion Mary-Sue.   
>>All but QOA: *gasp*   
>>Justin: *grasps head in pain* The horror!   
>>QOA: Oh, shush! We haven't even started.   
>>The(resa): What were you thinking?   
>>Eos: Drey was on an acid trip when you wrote this, wasn't he?   
>>QOA: *mumbling* Maybe... -.-;; 

Introduction 

>>The: To insanity. 

For starters, All characters are created by the genius, Naoko Takeuchi, except for Kristen and Zachery. Those are my characters. 

>>Eos: Well, obviously Kristen is your character!   
>>The: You mean the same Zachery that - oh god, Kristen. *laughs*   
>>QOA: -.-;; Can't we wait until after the author's notes? 

This is a non-profit fanfiction, so please don't sue me. All rights of the sailor scouts reserved to Naoko Takeuchi, blah, blah, blah. 

>>The: Yadda yadda yadda   
>>Eos: Dum dee dum   
>>QOA: Bum biddy bum   
>>Justin: Copious   
>>All but Justin: -.-;; 

This story takes place in The US. Use your imaginations for a sec, and make believe that there is a town called Juuban in Massachusetts. 

>>The: Wow, that's sad, Kristen. Really sad.   
>>Eos: I'm going to retract my earlier statement. Drey wasn't on an acid trip... he was passed out _after_ the acid trip when you wrote this.   
>>QOA: -.-;; 

It just makes my life a whole lot easier. 

>>Justin: What about the people without imaginations? It makes their lives a whole lot harder.   
>>Eos: *huff* Taking the easy way out. Wimp. 

My story takes place in between the S and SuperS series. I'm also going to need you to forget about the SuperS and Sailor Stars series, because they contradict my own story. 

>>Justin: Wait, and you said you _didn't_ want to get sued? Wow.   
>>QOA: *hugs SM Stars tapes* I'm so sorry guys! I didn't mean it! I didn't know what I was doing back then! 

I don't want to get e~mails questioning the way my story fits in with the missing of a certain character. 

>>All but QOA: Huh? o.O   
>>QOA: Oh yea... there was supposed to be some plot twist or something... I forgot what it was. *shrug* Just an excuse for not seeing the whole series before I wrote this. 

This time frame is easier for my story. 

>>Eos: Well, not for us.   
>>Justin: Or my pants.   
>>QOA: What?! o.O   
>>The: *inches away from Justin* 

I use the Japanese character theme. 

>>Eos: What in the hell is that?   
>>QOA: *shrug* I forget.   
>>Justin: Is it like a computer theme? Or a party theme? Or a movie theme??   
>>The: *hits Justin*   
>Justin: Thanks. 

However, 

>>The: Anything but however!! 

Darien, Mina and Lita are referred to in their American names. I did this because with the missing of the Japanese name culture makes their names sound odd to me. 

>>QOA: I think you will be proud to know that that statement holds truth no longer. Dub names... *shudder* I'll take Mamoru over Darien any day.   
>>Eos: Apparently the grammar didn't hold, either.   
>>QOA: -.-;; Weren't you the one who said Drey was passed out after doing acid when I wrote this?   
>>Eos: Justin, eyes on the computer screen.   
>>Justin: *looks up* Yes'm. 

I also refer to Chibi-Usa as Rini for a reason that will become clear. 

>>Justin: Ooo... how mysterious. 

Characters:   
Kristen (Sailor Moon, Super Sailor Moon, Neo Queen Serenity)   
Usagi (Sailor Moon, Super Sailor Moon, Neo Queen Serenity)   
Darien (Tuxedo Mask, Neo King Endymion)   
Ami (Sailor Mercury)   
Rei (Sailor Mars)   
Lita (Sailor Jupiter)   
Mina (Sailor Venus)   
Haruka (Sailor Uranus)   
Michiru (Sailor Neptune)   
Setsuna (Sailor Pluto)   
Hotaru (Sailor Saturn)   
Badguy (It's a secret) 

>>The: Bum bum BUM   
>>Jusin: Ooo... even more mysterious. 

All other characters not stated have only their one identity. 

>>Eos: *impatient* Well, duh.   
>>The: Was that list of who's who really necessary? 

When you finish reading my story, please send me your opinion. 

>>The: *glares at QOA* Oh, I _will_.   
>>QOA: *cowers* 

I can be e~mailed at neo_queen157@sailormoon.com. 

>>QOA: Hehe... that e-mail addy is invalid now. ^.^ 

**The Moon and Me**

>>Eos: I think he was scratching his ass, too.   
>>QOA: Can we _please_ not talk about what Drey was doing when I wrote this?   
>>Eos: *triumphant* So he was, then!   
>>QOA: *mumbling* Maybe... -.-;; 

Prologue 

>>The: This thing is long enough to have a prologue? Damnit. 

    I tried to zip up my, extremely heavy duffel bag. 

>>Justin: Eep! Runaway comma! 

Almost there, good, I'll have you zipped up in no time. 

>>The: How to tell if you are gaining weight...   
>>Eos: Remind me to never leave you alone with a duffle bag.   
>>QOA: You know, the character may have my name, but it's not me...   
>>Eos: Riiiight... And I'm Stephen King.   
>>The: Ashleigh's dad? 

Suddenly, the zipper broke. 

>>Justin: (zipper) Ow. 

Shit. Now what was I going to do? 

>>The: Super Glue it! 

I looked around frantically. I'm leaving in a few hours. 

>>The: (imitating Billy Boyd as Pippin) Where are we going? 

How was I going to find a replacement bag? 

>>Justin: Check up your ass.   
>>Eos: *hits Justin*   
>>QOA: Wow, that was harsh Justin. 

My mom stuck her head in 

>>QOA: A bowl of soup.   
>>Eos: A tub of jelly.   
>>The: That's not funny at all... -.-;; 

the door. 

>>Justin: Think un-hentai thoughts... think un-hentai thoughts... 

    "You done packing, Hun?" 

>>The: I love your mom! She's so cool.   
>>QOA: -.-;; Remember when I said it wasn't me?   
>>Eos: *pointedly* You _did_ say this was a self-insertion.   
>>QOA: -.-;; 

    "No," I said angrily, "The stupid zipper broke." 

>>Justin: Really? 

It really did. The top of the zipper itself popped off. 

>>Justin: I'm good.   
>>QOA: That really happened, too. Freakiest thing I've ever seen...   
>>The: Oh, here we go... 'blah blah blah blah blah...'   
>>QOA: *sniffle* 

    "Oh dear. No problem, I have another duffel bag for you to pack."   
    We got the replacement bag and transferred the contents of the first bag. 

>>Justin: Heh... what were the contents of the first bag?   
>>QOA: Hentai! 

Ok, is that everything? Wait! I forgot 

>>Eos: my rubber ducky!   
>>The: my virginity!   
>>QOA: my sanity!   
>>Justin: my edible thong!   
>>QOA: *hits Justin* 

my movie! I wouldn't have been able to survive the month without it! 

>>Eos: (Kristen) Yea, you know... A month without food and water is all well and good but a month without my movie is unbearable! 

What movie you ask? 

>>The: No, we didn't 

Only the greatest Sailor Moon movie, 

>>Justin: Sailor Moon and Her Friends Take a Bubble Bath 

Sailor Moon S. Subtitled, of course. I shoved the movie in somewhere and closed up the zipper. 

>>Eos: *shocked* Somewhere in _what_?   
>>Justin: *ponders* 

I grabbed the rest of my things and dragged them across the busy street. 

>>Justin: Because dragging them across the empty street would be silly.   
>>QOA: Hey! Only original riffs allowed! (A/N: Justin uses a similar riff in his own MST of a really bad Tenchi lemon.)   
>>Eos: *laughing* You make that sound so bad. I'm not even going to bother commenting! 

Just last week, my friend Theresa 

>>The: Eep! Why am I in your fic? 

invited me to come to Maine with her. Would I ever pass up the chance? I think not! 

>>The: Hey! I never invited you to Maine! That was Val!   
>>QOA: *shrug* So I draw from personal experience. 

So here I was, dragging my things across the street to her house. 

>>Eos: Once again, not going to comment.   
>>Justin: (things) Ouch! Watch out for the shards of glass! 

They were in the driveway, 

>>Eos: Who was? The things? Oh yea, I forgot... Drey was your muse back then so the grammar sucks!   
>>Justin: Am I detecting resentment?   
>>Eos: Bite me.   
>>Justin: Can I, really?   
>>Eos: *whacks Justin* 

shoving things into the trunk. I dropped my things and sat on the ground. Theresa came up to me. 

>>Justin: Copious amounts of things!!!   
>>Eos: *laughing* God! Just when I thought you couldn't take it further, you go and prove me wrong! 

    "You think you packed enough?"   
    I smiled. "Not at all."   
    "Did you bring the 

>>Eos: shit?   
>>The: That's how you ask for drugs in France.   
>>Eos: I know.   
>>Justin: From experience, Eos?   
>>Eos: Baka. 

movie?"   
    "Do I ever go any where without it?"   
    She laughed. "C'mon, I'll help you with you're bags." 

>>The: Why would I want you to bring that movie? You've forced me to watch it so many times my eyeballs bled! And why would I laugh about something dumb like that? If anything I would make fun of you.   
>>QOA: -.-;; 

    We got in the car, the six of us. Karen (Theresa's mom) 

>>Justin: Hi Theresa's Mom! 

and Greg were up front. 

>>Eos: Who's Greg?   
>>The: Scary guy who lives with us and flashes his naughty bits everywhere.   
>>Eos: *nods* Oooh. 

Theresa and I sat in the back seat with her two brothers, Jonathan and Matthew. 

>>The: I don't think it's possible to fit us all back there, anymore. Matthew-   
>>QOA: Aw, he's your brother!   
>>The: *shrug* So? Greg gives him tittie twisters all the time so why can't I bash his weight? 

Theresa was a middle child. Jonathan, the oldest brother, was to my left, and Theresa to my right. 

>>Justin: More commas have escaped!   
>>Eos: The horror!   
>>QOA: Well, he _was_ a horror muse.   
>>Eos: I rest my case. 

    "Hey Kristen," Jonathan said, "Tell me, is your screen name descriptive?" He thinks I have fuzzy balls. He always does this to make me mad. 

>>Justin: As opposed to not fuzzy balls? *eyes get big* Wait a second - you have balls?!   
>>QOA: Dear god, Justin. 

    "That's just sick, Jonathan. Why can't you just leave me alone?" 

>>QOA: He's stopped doing that, you know.   
>>The: Yea, if you just ignore him he'll give up in about a week. 

    He laughed. He always seems to find humor in my everyday existence. 

>>QOA: Well, at least some things haven't changed.   
>>Justin: Yea, but now he's not the only one.   
>>QOA: -.-;;   
>>Eos: Am I the only one who noticed the grammatical error there? They are right next to each other! God!   
>>QOA: Calm down Eos. 

    Well, with than said and done, we were off to Maine. I thought it was going to be a normal month, you know? Hang out with my best friend, see a few guys, 

>>QOA and Eos: *laughing hysterically*   
>>The: -.-;; Apparently Kristen wrote this before she found out she was a lesbian...   
>>Justin: *ponders* 

and have fun. 

>>Justin: *singing* Oh, girls just wanna have fun...   
>>All but Justin: o.O;; 

Boy, was I wrong. 

>>Eos: Yea, wrong for writing this. Thank god that's over!   
>>QOA: Um... Eos... That was just the prologue - remember?   
>>Eos: Damnit! 

    Theresa stands and leaves for the bathroom. "Bathroom break!" she declares.   
    Eos nods in agreement. "Yea, I'm hungry." She shoots me a pouty look. "Do you want to go down and get me some food, love?"   
    "Of course," I say, unable to resist the 'pouty look'.   
    Justin pets one of Eos' wings. "Soft..."   
    Eos hits him. "What did I tell you!"   
    Justin looks at the floor. "Yes mam." 


End file.
